can you be on the same page with someone?

recommended prerequisite: interpersonal communication

in relationships, we often strive to be. when two people are "not on the same page," something is up. or at least, we convince ourselves that things are wrong. we toil over communication, fact checking, text re-reading, and more, just to feel heard. and seen. and loved.

but i'm not sure it's possible to actually be on the same page with someone. i think you can be on the same page with yourself, but it's not the same. for me that means listening to my intuition, paying attention to my needs and state of existence. am i happy? nice. am i sad? alright. do i need affection? probably.

i can't listen to someone else's intuition. i'm not in the head of my partner, or friend, or sibling, or roommate. the only awareness of their state i'm able to grok is whatever their internal actor decides to communicate—verbally or nonverbally, automatically or intentionally. building on this, i'm not even able to grok what someone does decide to tell me (see interpersonal communication).

all this is to say:

i think the notion of being on the same page is a red herring, and usually what's desired is to feel like someone is on your team. we communicate our situations and problems in relationships to seek support, even if that's just listening with no intent to fix (listening provides support through feeling heard and seen).

i find grounding in the acceptance that my loved ones are on my team, and i don't strive to make them understand me in the way i seek to understand myself. striving to make others understand me gets in the way of understanding myself. if i try to comprehend another person's narrative to the extent necessary to fit my entire being in terms of theirs, then my brain is no longer operating in my own narrative. and i don't think my brain can entirely comprehend another person's narrative, because it's not my narrative, and i only perceive it in the context of how i have learned to perceive the type of narrative that is this person's. because layers, and concepts, and filters, and brain shit.